Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Spiritual Attacks

Recently I had a situation arise involving a BIG mis-communication and I was hurt by a close friend. Very hurt. I agonized over it all day long to the point of stomach aches and crying. I wanted to talk to a mutual close friend about it but didn't want to influence her to be upset with this person as well, so I kept to myself and cried out to God all day long trying to make sense of what had happened. I literally spent the entire day cleaning my house and praying constantly, asking God to help me understand why this situation had happened.

I kept thinking it was so confusing and didn't seem like my friend at all to do something like this. I was hurt and genuinely confused. I prayed all day not to have an offend-able heart but to instead try to be open to the situation and think of what I needed to learn from her instead of be hurt but nothing changed. I still felt upset, confused, and very alone. What was also bizarre was that I had been feeling so close and comforted by God lately but when praying about this situation I felt nothing. Empty nothingness.

By the time Derek got home I was a wreck and emotionally vomited the entire story on him. He told me I should just call this friend and talk to her but I didn't feel like I could. I had emailed her that morning and she had never responded so I just thought I would wait. It also took every ounce of me not to talk to my other friend about the situation but since she was also close friends with my "offender" I felt like I would suck her into a negative situation and didn't want to do that.

Right before bed that night I checked my email one last time to see an email from her. I was so nervous to open it but did and saw that she wasn't the person involved in the situation! It was a total mis-communication! Something that I thought had happened because of her was actually someone I didn't even know. I felt euphoric. I called her immediately and we laughed hysterically over how confused she had been over my email and didn't know what I was talking about. I told her how confused I had been by what I thought were her actions. Even weirder was the fact that that conclusion had never even crossed my mind. How could I not have even thought of that possibility!?

The following day I told the entire story to our mutual friend who also immediatly upon hearing the offense said there's no way that could be our friend. Had I told her the story the day before I could have been saved from all that agonizing.

That's the crazy thing about spiritual attacks. They happen when you least expect them and you don't even notice them. Looking back on the situation now I think it is absolutely crazy and comical that I never even thought for a second that maybe there was a mix up involved. I immediately felt crushed and hurt. How I prayed all day and felt no comfort from God was another red flag I somehow missed.

The awesome thing about all this is how God still used this spiritual attack for His glory and revealed so much to me about His goodness. It also reminded me to be more aware of my feelings and happenings. To make sure what is happening is real and not an emotional attack or being blind sighted over a total mix up. I was also able to see another blessing in my life through my friendships and how large a part they play in my life and spiritual walk. Each of my friends play a different role in my life, and I in theirs. It's important to reach out to others in those times of need and share what we're going through. Often times God uses others to help us see things we can't see for ourselves.

It's easy to feel like responding with anger or emotion when we feel we've been wronged or hurt in life. I thank God for giving me the wisdom in this situation, even through my agony, to wait to hear from my friend and not jump down her throat for something she ended up not even being responsible for. I also thank God for giving me the faith to still cling tightly to Him even when I was under attack and felt no comfort from Him. I didn't realize what was going on but knew that the only way to get through it was to keep close to God and keep praying no matter what.

It's so easy to see now, looking back on the whole situation, how much I was under a spiritual attack all day yesterday. It was as if I had a blanket thrown over my eyes and heart. It was devastating and I felt as though I were treading water all alone. I knew God would carry me through it, I just needed to trust and keep praying. And He did, as He always does. It's so euphoric being on the other side now. Having gotten through that little valley, the view is amazing. It was another little test in life and no matter what that test may be, big or small, God is always there carrying us through, and I'm so thankful for that.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. -Isaiah 55:8-9


  1. Thank you for sharing your heart and being so real. I love you so much! Also, you are a such an awesome friend.

  2. I know I told you on the phone, but I just want to say (again) that this blog post is definitely my favorite so far!!! I think it strikes a chord with so many different situations. I am so proud to be your friend. You are such a beautiful and incredible person, and I am so blessed to have you in my life! I love you!

  3. Hey girl! Thx 4 leaving a comment on my I am so happy to have found yours :) I looooove what u wrote in here about the spiritual blanket seemingly being thrown over your eyes and heart...I can't tell you how many times I have felt that way! You ate such a blessing! So glad to meet you in the bloggy world :)

  4. That was supposed to say you are such a blessing. Lololol!