Although fertility testing can be somewhat of a personal subject, I have decided to bare all to share my journey through this period in my life. Or rather I guess I should say bare Derek's all since this includes him and his swimmers as well.
About 3 weeks ago I went to the doctor for an annual women's check up to make sure everything looked okay with me. He said I exhibit some signs of having endometriosis but not definitely. He then told me to start charting (what I've done for the past years in order NOT to get pregnant! Ironic) to make sure that I'm ovulating. He also suggested getting Derek tested since he's had a varacosile twice in one of his testicles, the first time as a young boy, which he had to have operated on. Then he said if all that came back positive we would do blood tests on me to check for any hormonal imbalances.
I called the fertility clinic to set up an appointment for Derek in the next few months and they told me they had an appointment the following day! I slightly freaked out that it was happening so fast and that we would possibly know bad news (but hopefully good) within 24 to 48 hours. My precious dear friend reminded me that this way was better and it was just like ripping a band aid off. Otherwise I would have agonized over it for months. This way it would be quick and painless....just like a band aid.
Two mornings later before I called for the results I sat down to have some quiet time with the Lord. I read my bible and spent a long time praying about the results and my heart no matter what the doctor said. I prayed that God would make the test have a positive outcome and that through it I would know this is all in his timing and that we have just been in a waiting period. I was nervous that the test would come back that there were no swimmers but I felt God's peace that no matter what the test said I just needed to trust Him. I also felt his peace that He is in control and that all of this is part of His great plan for our lives.
A little while later I called for the results. The receptionist took down all the information said yes he saw that Derek was there yesterday and then asked if he could put me on hold. I said yes calmly and then totally freaked out. Why was he putting me on hold? How come he didn't just read me what it said on the screen? Maybe he was getting the "bad news doctor" to be the one to tell the crazy lady on the phone that she'll never have a baby! My heart was racing, I felt as though I would puke or faint or both at the same time. Then abruptly I felt God's peace wash over me like a gentle breeze. My breathing relaxed, my stomach unclenched, and I suddenly felt completely and utterly in God's calming presence. I just knew at that moment that no matter what, God loves me and has a great plan for my life. That no matter what the outcome of this test or the outcome of the rest of my life is, I serve an awesome God who has created the heavens and the earth and is still concerned with my life. He still works in the small details of my life including even giving me an overwhelming sense of peace and relief as I sat on the floor next to our couch waiting for Derek's results.
The receptionist came back on the phone and told me that I would have to call my OB doctor because the results had been sent over there. Comical. I of course called there where I experienced a similar being put on hold situation, only to then be told I would be called with the results later that day. God is so good though and continued to give me an amazing peace throughout the morning. It was an awesome day and I didn't even have to wait very long for the results. A nurse called me only about an hour later to let me know that everything looked completely normal with his test. Amazing, and so awesome. I was thrilled.
Now I will be charting and we will continue to wait on God's perfect timing. Because it is just that - perfect. I completely trust in God's plan and His timing. He is so real in my life and I feel so blessed to have his peace in my life. I don't know how I could go through life and all it's struggles and obstacles that come with it without having God to cling to. He makes life so much more worth living and so much more wonderful.