Expectations

I had a big realization yesterday about my time and expectations. I also figured out it has a large part to do with why living in an apartment is slowly driving me crazy.

Many times I am woken up before I want to by the cats above us playing chase, or the dogs below us howling. Often times I can't fall asleep when I want to because of the heavy footsteps and thin ceiling above, or the television on below. The sounds of apartment life also get Gracie growling almost hourly which in turn riles Bear up to bark hysterically, and often times that is the straw I can't handle.

I realized it annoys me that I can hear others above and below and next to me because I have somehow managed to believe that I deserve not to hear them. I have also come to believe that I apparently am warranted a certain amount of sleep.

Having this insight made me realize that these expectations have been keeping me prisoner to massive amounts of annoyance whenever I hear them. I have no right to have it quiet when I want it quiet, nor do I have any right to a certain amount of sleep! Every moment of quietness or sleep I get is a gift. I need to appreciate them as such. My time is not my own. Having this awareness I have been amazed how the sounds haven't bothered me yesterday or today. It's like an elephant just got up off my shoulders and walked out. It is an absolute freeing feeling.

I feel like a brat even admitting this because it now seems pretty ridiculous that I was so frustrated by outside noise. That is so selfish to think that I should have it quiet just because I want it quiet. I now want to laugh out loud at myself! I do love these refining realizations though because it is just another layer chiseled off!

"Every good and perfect gift is from above." -James 1:17