So we decided to find out the sex of our baby as soon as was possible in hopes of bonding more with "it" and helping our brains to grasp more of the reality of our situation. In case you don't know how that's done, it's through a blood test. And in case you don't know my history, I very often faint when getting my blood taken. Yes, super fun.
The last time I got my blood taken (before this current time) was three years ago and I went by myself. I decided (for no good reason) that I would be fine this time and be able to stay conscious. Needless to say, I woke up in a lounge chair across the room from where I had been previously sitting getting my blood taken and had no recollection of any of it. So no, I wasn't fine or conscious.
This time Derek came with me but chose to stay in the waiting room (for who knows why). When I walked back into the "blood room" it was small and there was only a tall chair (no bed). I asked her if I could be moved somewhere and lay down for this since I tend to pass out. She said they didn't have one. I then asked her if I should get my husband since there was a good possibility he'd have to hold me up for the end of the "taking." She agreed that would be a good idea and Derek came into the room. She was so sweet and chatted me up, as well as did an outstanding job putting the needle in. I didn't even feel it. I don't ever watch, I don't look, I don't even think about it. So why this happens I don't completely understand other than I've been told it's a normal reaction some people get where their blood pressure just tanks out. After a few minutes I could feel that it was coming. My hearing starts to get super faint and then my vision becomes tunnel vision and I tried to say, "I'm about to faint!" Derek says it never got out of my mouth and I just passed out cold. Very cold. He moved forward and basically held me upright in the chair while the sweet lady finished taking my blood (so he tells me). Then they waiting for me to wake up. And waited. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes they decided my body needed some help getting blood back to my head (since my face was apparently a shade of gray/green), so Derek picked me up and carried me next door to a patient room with a bed in it (why couldn't we have just gone there in the beginning!?) and laid me down (again so he tells me). I vaguely remember someone asking me if my pillow was ok but it sounded like they were underwater and I felt like my face was super hot and almost as though I was going to throw up, so I don't think I even responded. I laid there for a good ten minutes before I could make out where I was. And even then it came back slowly and was super hard to focus on anyone. Derek even lifted up my feet over my head to help the process (get more blood back to my brain) and still it took forever. The phlebotomist said in 17 years she'd never seen someone pass out so hard and for so long. Yay me.
In other words, this was quite the process just to get this information! But since they needed to take my blood to check all my blood work anyways, we figured might as well get that info too. We honestly had no preference on what we were having. We were just looking forward to not calling this baby "it" anymore as well as hoping to feel a little more connected to the reality of this all. I was also really hoping to be able to feel more connected to "it" after this info too. As hard as this has been for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm really and actually pregnant, calling the baby "it" has certainly not helped. It has made me feel a bit like we're talking about something fake and has only added to my subconscious assumptions that maybe this is in fact not reality, or someone else's reality.
Since pretty much the beginning, Derek has thought it was a boy. I, however, didn't really have any thoughts on the matter since I think it's kinda silly when people say they think they know what it is since it's really just a 50/50 chance! Flip a coin and you have the exact same odds. But, over the past week or so I've also come to feel this settledness that it's a boy and almost like I was prepared for that to be the answer. However, I was also trying to remain completely open to whatever the outcome would be since honestly just having a gender figured out feels like having another huge stepping stone in our processing becoming reality.
They told us it would probably take 7-10 business days to find out from when the blood was taken. Of course I was hoping for earlier and thankfully on day 6, only about 30 minutes before Derek left to go work nights...we got the email! I almost had a heart attack. Even though it was just reading an email together I will be honest it was quite a rush. First in the email it listed that all the baby's other blood work came back normal and healthy which was such a HUGE blessing to see, and then it also included the fact that the Chromosome Y was detected. For those of you like me who had to think for a second what that means...it means that "it" is in fact a boy.
I will say that finding out the gender has actually really helped my processing and it feels incredibly more real to me already. I also feel incredibly more connected to HIM. Which is still a little weird to say. Him. Wow. It makes me feel a little teary just saying it! Granted so does every commercial, song, and being hungry as well, so that might not be saying too much, haha. Really though, it has caught me a little off guard how much finding out has affected me in a positive way and has really diminished the shock and denial.
The fact that Derek and I will have a son feels a bit surreal, but also really good. We're both excited and that alone is exciting in itself. We would have been great either way, but just knowing one way or the other feels like miles ahead for us in processing. It feels like we can envision this as a reality just a touch more. Which is huge for us. We are also excited to see what God does in this boy's life and what plans He has for us all. This is still so crazy, but we are thankful for this BOY and along for the ride!
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13
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