Ebbs & Flows

Sometimes I feel like my feelings / hormones are like tidal waves ebbing and flowing. The waves pull out to sea and far away from the beach for just long enough for me to get comfy and used to it, before they come slamming back onto the shore. I do know that this also very clearly correlates with the "red tidal flow" that is due any day now (most likely today because the normal signs are already here) but somehow that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I've had such a great month of feeling filled with God's peace in my infertility circumstances. It's really been an amazing month. So it makes it feel so much more frustrating and defeating to realize the waves are suddenly back on the beach and ever so slightly pounding me. It's by no means even close to as bad as it has gotten in the past, but it just seems so contrasting to this past month that has been so amazing. I almost forgot what that pit-in-my-stomach-wanting-a-baby feels like. But now I remember. It literally makes me welcome the stupid "red tidal flow" just so I'm not so filled with the crazy hormones!

In my devotional today it talked about the "joy of discovery" and how "Paul did not discover the strength to leave his circumstances; he discovered the strength to stay!" I completely agree. Some days just dealing with the circumstances of life, infertility, whatever you may be dealing with, seem exhausting. But in persevering through those waves and continuing to strive towards God and hang on to Him, those waves will wash back out to sea and He will give us the strength to discover that blissful joy even in our current circumstances once again!

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13