Seattle

We made it to Seattle and have almost everything unpacked! It feels surreal. I keep referring to our place as, "our hotel" and, "our room," which still cracks me up every time I do it! It's quite the size difference from a 3 bedroom house with a big backyard and garage! We are living in an open 1 bedroom (meaning there is no ceiling on the bedroom) and 1 bathroom that is 677 sqft. :) It's small! But it's actually very quaint and we really are enjoying it. We have our one small green couch, our coffee table, our dining table (with only 2 chairs) & the TV...and that's everything that fits in our living space! It's nice and cozy. The downsizing and purging of so much STUFF was actually very refreshing and we pretty much have just the essentials now.

Our apartment (not hotel) is really quite spectacular. There is a rooftop hang out that you can see the ocean, ferris wheel, & space needle from on one side. The other side you have a view directly into the football stadium. There are multiple different chairs and couches as well as BBQs spaced out all over. They also have a workout room, theater room, yoga room, and a few other kitchen and living space areas and rooms that are open for use or available to reserve. One of Derek's favorites is the game room. There are about 4 arcade games (including his favorite Buck Hunt) that you can play for free and also shuffleboard and a huge TV. The first night we got back here they had a resident BBQ on the roof with amazing food, wine, & beer that was free! So far it seems to be a pretty fun place!

We've walked around the area lots and have found many fun places to go. The restaurants are pretty amazing...and there are SO MANY within a mile walk of us. Most only a block or two away. Bear is still getting used to there being so many people everywhere and doesn't exactly love the elevator but he's slowly adapting (hopefully)!

Overall it's been pretty lovely. It was nice to come up here last week and unpack, have a few day "vacation" back in Portland and come back up here to a mostly unpacked hotel...I mean apartment. ;) It's a little strange that this is our real life and I do feel like we're on vacation since Derek hasn't started working yet but I'm sure it'll feel real once that happens! As for now we're enjoying our time together scouting out our new city and celebrating this time off that Derek hasn't had in years. We're really just so very thankful for all of this and we're excited to see what God has in store for us here!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, 

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

Here are a few pictures of our new place!

 Bear checking out the view from our apartment window

 Rooftop Middle

 Cute Mediterranean place we found only a few blocks away

 Sunset on the roof

 Our apartment!

Other view of the apartment! :)

 View from the rooftop to the north west

 View from the rooftop to the north west

View from the rooftop to the south

 Before unpacking was completed!

Before unpacking was completed!

Adorable welcome gift when we arrived at our apartment

Moving

Yesterday was an emotional day as we locked up our Lanewood house for the last time and drove our way up to Seattle. Even though it was a crazy rollercoaster selling this house, it's bittersweet that we closed escrow yesterday and are no longer home owners of our sweet Lanewood home. That home provided us with so many amazing memories and has been the growth place of so many beautiful friendships. So many birthday parties, Ugly Sweater Christmas parties, dog parties, BBQ's, Beer Release parties, bible studies, and countless other amazing times had there. It's the last home Gracie lived in, it's where we came to terms with infertility, it's where Derek finally finished medical training after 10 years. It will be sorely missed but we are thankful to God for the sale finally going through and completing that part of our life's puzzle. :)

Derek and I recently realized that we have not lived in one place as long as we have in Portland since we were both in elementary school. That’s a crazy thought. The past 6 plus years here in Portland have been AMAZING to say the least. The friends that have become family here have been a life support to us through this crazy medical training, as well as the ups and downs of our life's events over the past 6 plus years. There are too many to list. To say we will miss living here and the people around us does not even begin to describe how we feel. It’s so extreme that my heart has honestly not fully grasped the concept yet. It’s painful to think about. However, we know that God has a plan in moving us and we trust that plan as we always have and look forward to what He has in store for us…even though we can’t see the outcome yet. He is a great God and has blessed us more than we ever could have imagined. 

We hope and pray that the friendships we’ve made in Portland will continue to flourish and grow and be encouraged. We will continue to pray for our Portland family and hope to have many visitors in the near future! Our door is always open…even if it is a little further away now. :) Thank you Portland for being an amazing home and thank you everyone for making our time there INCREDIBLE. We are so thankful.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Waiting

I'm sure I've named past posts with this same name but it seems to be a lesson that I don't learn very well and something that is obviously important for God to teach me. I know He has a plan in it, and I trust that, I just don't like having to wait to see what it is. :) I don't know why I don't do waiting very well. I've certainly had boat loads of experience in this department! If only I could handle it better, maybe I wouldn't have to endure it as much! But waiting seems to slowly shrivel up my stomach and make me feel as though the world were coming to a slow painful end. Not the heaven beautiful end kind. A torturous, don't know if I can endure it kind of experience. Now I realize this sounds ridiculously dramatic and maybe that's why I'm in this waiting predicament again. I don't like waiting.

I don't like waiting in line at the grocery store or the gas station. I hate waiting at red lights or for slow moving cars. I don't even like waiting for dinner to finish cooking! I haven't enjoyed waiting to find out where we'll be moving or what the future holds, and currently I am not loving waiting to know what is going to happen with the selling of our home.

It's craziness. I didn't even want to sell this home. I LOVE this home and the city and all the many many beautiful memories that have been made here. It's the first time in my adult life I have felt at HOME. It's the first house Derek and I have owned and it's the first place we've felt like we've put down roots and really become a part of a community. The countless birthday parties, bible studies, beer releases and BBQs that have taken place here are only some of the amazing times we've experienced. The many babies who have graced our floors and have given me such fulfillment in playing mom have memories in every room. All the dogs who have raced around our backyard and grown up here, including our one and only Gracie living out her last days in this house. This house holds so much love and beauty. It is one of the biggest miracles we've seen God do in our lives with bringing the price of $289K down to a crazy affordable $170K for us and so much more! Our realtor told us in 40 years of real estate he'd never seen anything like it. This house was made to be our home.

Yet, we're being moved to Seattle. And it seemed as though we were to put the house on the market. No, let me change that. We were supposed to put this house on the market, I know that. We prayed for months about it and God changed my heart. I was sad to let it go but I knew it was something I was supposed to do. To let go. So we did. And everyone told us how it would sell immediately because of the market and yadda yadda because everyone else's houses WERE selling immediately! I felt weird anytime someone would say that to us though, almost as though they were going to jinx it, which I know is a ridiculous thought. But then our house DID sell immediately! We were floored! It was weird though because I felt really sad and even cried over it. I felt like someone was taking my house and it was so bizarre. My feelings were mixed with the relief of the waiting being over but at the same time it felt weird and I just figured I was being crazy me.

Then a week later the sellers backed out due to apparently realizing that the house was close to Cedar Hills Blvd. (You did walk through the house and actually see the street and house before making an offer, right!?!? - And yes they did, by the way) To say I was annoyed and bitter is an understatement. Which, yes, I realize is comically ironic considering I was basically mad they were "stealing" my house in the first place! However, since then our house has sat on the market (for 3 weeks). We've had open houses and showings and most people say the same thing that it's too close to Cedar Hills Blvd. This slightly infuriates me because if I'm not mistaken, our house IS listed on the map. So it's not like the location of our house is a big secret until you arrive here. All the while making us keep everything tidy and then get out of the house with sometimes only 15 minutes notice (stressful), while people tromp through our house (and leave pee on our toilet seat or leave our back sliding door open - yes just a few examples of many that have stressed me out)...only to say the location is the problem. It's baffling. And exhausting.

I'm trying to be patient, I really am. But from past experiences I know I am not great at the game of patience. I'm terrible actually. And this is no different. Now the choices begin....do we lower the price? Do we wait it out? Do we just keep the house? Do we try to find a responsible friend to rent it? The hard part is we don't know! We don't know what we are supposed to do and so we wait. My least favorite thing to do ever. Wait. But that's what we're doing, and I'm trying not to go crazy in the process. Which is silly considering we don't even have a date we're moving to Seattle and therefore don't even have a time frame to technically want the house sold by. So why do I feel so impatient!?! I think my natural response to waiting is automatic resistance. I don't know why. But apparently it's something that, yet again, I'm supposed to be practicing. And I am, practicing it real good! ;)

"If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:15

Fear Of The Future...Here We Go Again

I feel like for over the past 10 years my life has been a series of changing living locations and preparing for the next move in Derek's career path. Having been settled in Portland now for just about 5 years and even living in our current home for just under 5 years, it's a thought that thankfully hasn't been on my mind in a long time. Moving or changing or relocating just hasn't even been on the horizon. We barely know what Derek's schedule will look like 4 weeks from now let alone in over a year from when he finishes his fellowship. I haven't really thought of changing places....and I have thouroughly enjoyed the emotional and mental break from it.

However, it's come up in conversation recently and now I can't get it out of my brain. The stress, the wonder, the trying to play reverse psychology on God (as Andrew put it the other night at bible study! Haha!), the fear...ugh how I don't miss these feelings. But I am also SO thankful for the past 5 years of mental break from it having been rooted here. Having a break from all the up in the air changes and moves and not knowing what was next or where Derek would get accepted for medical school, then residency, then fellowship....ahhhh it has been a lovely break. And now, it's back. In one year and one month Derek will finish fellowship and will start a "real" job somewhere. Where? We don't know. Do we have hopes? Expectations? Wishes? Of course!! But, all we can do right now is wait for time to pass and trust. There isn't even anything to do or look for yet. It's WAY too early to even really think about this yet! My brain, however, didn't get that memo apparently.

I will confess that I have a fear of change. I love stability and I also confess I sometimes envy those who have it. Who have nothing on the horizon of shifting change of possible locations or knowing that everything about the plan they are on will definitely change in one year and one month from right now. I forgot what this feeling was like of not knowing what the future will hold for not just small things but huge things such as what city or state we will be living in. The possibility of not knowing a single person for thousands of miles surrounding you. Of starting ALL over. It's exhausting really. Granted I also know that nothing could change. We could stay right here and all this thinking could be for nothing...but my brain again, didn't get that memo. :)

Sorry for the venting....and I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but someday in the future I want to look back on this and read and remember what I felt, because I know I don't always share it in the moment. But I am right now. This is the moment. And I don't want to forget this...all of this. Because it's really been a beautiful ride and I want to remember not only the great, but also the trying parts of it too.

I truly do trust that God has a plan and this morning in my Jesus Calling devo (by Sarah Young) the message was absolutely spot on for me:

"If you learn to trust Me - really trust Me - with your whole being, then nothing can separate you from My Peace. Everything you endure can be put to good use by allowing it to train you in trusting Me. . . Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter."

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

I know it and I believe it....sometimes it's just getting your heart to feel it and follow along. :) And if anyone is reading this I, of course, always appreciate the prayers for not only our future but also for my heart! :)