Moses grew weary too!

"But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun." -Exodus 17:12

We all grow weary. I didn't realize how weary I had grown about the infertility subject until this past week when I had to come to terms with telling 3 separate people that I couldn't go to their baby showers. One of which was my very close friend and it was extremely trying on us both. However, through this I have realized so much about myself and that infertility is a part of me that I will never be able to get away from completely. It's not something I need to hide from, pretend isn't there, or avoid. I don't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed about it. I've realized it's a part of me and it's okay to be honest about it.

It has been such a freeing week to be able to come clean about this not only to others but more so to myself. I didn't realize how big of a deal this was until I opened up about it and realized it's not so bad to embrace it. And it actually makes it much easier to deal with when I do.

I loved reading the verse above this morning in my "reading the bible in a year" reading (yes I'm still on track and keeping up with it! Whoo hoo!). I loved seeing how Moses couldn't keep his hands up by himself (backstory: he needed to keep his hands raised holding God's staff for them to win a battle, when his hands dropped they would start to lose, when they went back up they were winning). He needed others to help him do it. He had to be honest about his weakness and admit he couldn't do it. He didn't try to pretend he could or avoid it or sulk in embarrassment that he wasn't stronger - he admitted what he couldn't do. Which made it easier for others to help him because they knew what he needed. Which turned out well for them all because they won the battle.

This has echoed my life so perfectly right now in opening up about the true reality of my infertility situation. I feel so free in being able to not hide behind it and talk openly with everyone about it. I've found some amazing infertility blogs and even a web series about it that literally made me laugh out loud. This has been a major turning point for me and I'm so glad to be able to share openly and not feel bad that this is who I am.

Here are some awesome posts I found about infertility that I think are really great to read:
10 things not to say to an infertile couple
5 more things not to say
Supportive things to say to an infertile couple

The Bible in a Year

I recently saw a posting about reading the bible in a year and decided to do it myself. I know I've read a lot of it and possibly the whole thing but since I wasn't positive I thought it would be an accomplishment I'd really like to do. I was a bit behind on starting it and have been following the daily readings on One Year Bible Online. This morning I woke up to snow and an email saying our women's bible study for Tuesday mornings had been canceled. So I decided it was a nice opportunity to catch up on the readings so that I would be on the same schedule as the daily emailed list of what to read (starting from Jan 1st). Mind you I didn't start this until 3 days ago so I had a LOT of reading to do this morning! I did make it though and am all caught up! Whoo hoo! :)

At first I just thought it would be a fun thing to accomplish and also give me direction on what to read daily because I had just finished reading James and wasn't sure where to go next. But as I read through Genesis this morning I found a very odd comfort in reading the stories of God's faithfulness in all areas of early life but especially in the stories of barrenness.

I felt a strange connection to these women (Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel) who all suffered from the grief of being infertile for very long periods of time, as well as deal with seemingly everyone around them having children. It was also refreshing to see God work in these stories and that they were all blessed with children in God's perfect timing and not their own. I have to admit that Rachel is my favorite and makes me feel not so crazy in her bursts of yelling out to her husband, "Give me children, or I shall die!" (Gen. 30:1) I also love that her husband (who adores her) has to remind her that he's not withholding children from her.

I've known about all these barren women (and the others that are to come) but have never read the stories straight through from beginning to end and see them all tie together. It's pretty amazing how God works it all out perfectly according to His plan no matter how many mistakes they make or how often they try to take things into their own hands. God is there guiding them along the entire way. And not just about babies but about every area of life. It was really encouraging and nicely surprising for me to read today. It was the perfect pick me up I needed this morning! Just shows again how much God works out everything perfectly according to plan!