Waiting

I'm sure I've named past posts with this same name but it seems to be a lesson that I don't learn very well and something that is obviously important for God to teach me. I know He has a plan in it, and I trust that, I just don't like having to wait to see what it is. :) I don't know why I don't do waiting very well. I've certainly had boat loads of experience in this department! If only I could handle it better, maybe I wouldn't have to endure it as much! But waiting seems to slowly shrivel up my stomach and make me feel as though the world were coming to a slow painful end. Not the heaven beautiful end kind. A torturous, don't know if I can endure it kind of experience. Now I realize this sounds ridiculously dramatic and maybe that's why I'm in this waiting predicament again. I don't like waiting.

I don't like waiting in line at the grocery store or the gas station. I hate waiting at red lights or for slow moving cars. I don't even like waiting for dinner to finish cooking! I haven't enjoyed waiting to find out where we'll be moving or what the future holds, and currently I am not loving waiting to know what is going to happen with the selling of our home.

It's craziness. I didn't even want to sell this home. I LOVE this home and the city and all the many many beautiful memories that have been made here. It's the first time in my adult life I have felt at HOME. It's the first house Derek and I have owned and it's the first place we've felt like we've put down roots and really become a part of a community. The countless birthday parties, bible studies, beer releases and BBQs that have taken place here are only some of the amazing times we've experienced. The many babies who have graced our floors and have given me such fulfillment in playing mom have memories in every room. All the dogs who have raced around our backyard and grown up here, including our one and only Gracie living out her last days in this house. This house holds so much love and beauty. It is one of the biggest miracles we've seen God do in our lives with bringing the price of $289K down to a crazy affordable $170K for us and so much more! Our realtor told us in 40 years of real estate he'd never seen anything like it. This house was made to be our home.

Yet, we're being moved to Seattle. And it seemed as though we were to put the house on the market. No, let me change that. We were supposed to put this house on the market, I know that. We prayed for months about it and God changed my heart. I was sad to let it go but I knew it was something I was supposed to do. To let go. So we did. And everyone told us how it would sell immediately because of the market and yadda yadda because everyone else's houses WERE selling immediately! I felt weird anytime someone would say that to us though, almost as though they were going to jinx it, which I know is a ridiculous thought. But then our house DID sell immediately! We were floored! It was weird though because I felt really sad and even cried over it. I felt like someone was taking my house and it was so bizarre. My feelings were mixed with the relief of the waiting being over but at the same time it felt weird and I just figured I was being crazy me.

Then a week later the sellers backed out due to apparently realizing that the house was close to Cedar Hills Blvd. (You did walk through the house and actually see the street and house before making an offer, right!?!? - And yes they did, by the way) To say I was annoyed and bitter is an understatement. Which, yes, I realize is comically ironic considering I was basically mad they were "stealing" my house in the first place! However, since then our house has sat on the market (for 3 weeks). We've had open houses and showings and most people say the same thing that it's too close to Cedar Hills Blvd. This slightly infuriates me because if I'm not mistaken, our house IS listed on the map. So it's not like the location of our house is a big secret until you arrive here. All the while making us keep everything tidy and then get out of the house with sometimes only 15 minutes notice (stressful), while people tromp through our house (and leave pee on our toilet seat or leave our back sliding door open - yes just a few examples of many that have stressed me out)...only to say the location is the problem. It's baffling. And exhausting.

I'm trying to be patient, I really am. But from past experiences I know I am not great at the game of patience. I'm terrible actually. And this is no different. Now the choices begin....do we lower the price? Do we wait it out? Do we just keep the house? Do we try to find a responsible friend to rent it? The hard part is we don't know! We don't know what we are supposed to do and so we wait. My least favorite thing to do ever. Wait. But that's what we're doing, and I'm trying not to go crazy in the process. Which is silly considering we don't even have a date we're moving to Seattle and therefore don't even have a time frame to technically want the house sold by. So why do I feel so impatient!?! I think my natural response to waiting is automatic resistance. I don't know why. But apparently it's something that, yet again, I'm supposed to be practicing. And I am, practicing it real good! ;)

"If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:15