Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I am learning patience. Again. And more of it. It's so difficult not to know the future sometimes and be able to plan for it. Being a slight control freak makes that even harder for me. :) But I know it's not for me to be in control of the future.

Instead you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' ~James 4:15

Today I went for my hysterosalpingogram. It was painful, uncomfortable, and not fun but even more difficult was the semi inconclusive finding. My left fallopian tube is open (which is good), but my right is closed. There is nothing they can do about that, which basically means that my right side is now deemed a "dud" when it comes to trying to get pregnant. I have an appointment with my OB in May where we will discuss what's next but most likely we'll do an ultrasound to see if I am ovulating from my left ovary at all. We'll also discuss endometriosis and the surgery with that. The only way to diagnose that is to do the surgery to remove it. Basically they put you to sleep, go in through your stomach and look around. If you have it, they cut it out...all in one. I do feel like it's good to be finding out answers but also difficult because there's still so much waiting involved and not knowing. And that's hard for me!

I think the waiting and not knowing is even harder coupled with the fact that we definitely feel like we are supposed to wait on the adoption for now. I don't understand that, and I know I'm not supposed to understand, but it's still difficult to wait. Waiting on finding out if the other part of my left side works correctly, waiting on pursuing adoption, waiting (once again) on having children. It makes me feel weak and not in control, but I know in those times are when God is strongest. And so I will wait for God's plan, and enjoy the beautiful amazing plan He's laid out for me thus far. My amazing husband, family, friends, and so much more. I am truly blessed, and that does make the waiting seem so much more trustworthy and also worth the wait.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

No comments:

Post a Comment